the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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