I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
