I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Who died my cat blue again?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
