Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
