He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Someone came in the potted fern
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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