I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
It's never too late to be topless.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize