Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
