So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
