Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
