I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
