You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
