so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
