I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
