sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
