just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
