As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
