Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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