I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
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