pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
