i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
