Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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