Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
