I've blown a few things in my day
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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