why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize