Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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