I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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