They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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