Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
