That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
