I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
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