:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
