my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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