I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
