Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
