so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I am one with the molecules
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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