let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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