So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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