i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
