Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
