i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
They are going to name an STD after you.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize