I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
