Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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