And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
