i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
