Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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