Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Every concussion has its silver lining
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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