It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
