I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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