i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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