you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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