one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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