omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just threw up on my dentist
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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