its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I have fence marks all over my body
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
