The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
