I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
