Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
