Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize