i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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