WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Randomize
