New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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