i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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