after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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