after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
