I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
