Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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