Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Randomize