Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
