I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
