your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
