i was born a porn star she said
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
organizing the empties. That sober.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize