I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
