You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize