I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
