At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
