sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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