Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
