You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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