but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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