I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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