but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
