her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
