dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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