At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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