I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
