It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
