Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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