i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize