In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
