I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
