so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
