Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
